Starting the conversation around suicide
The figures around suicide - and particularly male suicide - in this country are shocking when you pause and think about it. Suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 50 in the UK, more than cancer, more than road accidents, and despite an increasing spotlight on the subject of mental health in recent years, the rates of recorded suicides in the UK continue to go up.
The most recently released statistics show that over 6,000 people died by suicide in England and Wales last year, three-quarters of those being men.
Sometimes I think we become blind to numbers, but every one of those ‘statistics’ will have left a trail of heartbreak behind them. Yet still it’s something we don’t talk about enough - as if by ignoring the problem it will go away, or at least not affect us and ours.
This is one of the reasons I was filled with admiration for the family of former England cricketer Graham Thorpe, who announced last month that he had taken his own life at the age of 55 after suffering from depression and anxiety. In a media interview, his wife Amanda said that “despite glimpses of hope and the old Graham”, he’d become so unwell in recent months that he had become convinced his family would be better off without him.
If ever there was something positive to come out of sharing such a heartbreaking experience, it was that they hoped it would make people talk and make people think about it. And it certainly opened the conversations on social media, in my experience.
I have been a mental health ambassador for LionHeart for some years now, having experienced periods of poor mental health myself (I think we all do at some stage). I’ve heard powerful stories from my fellow ambassadors, and I really believe in the importance of talking about your experiences to chip away at stigma and make people feel less alone. Being open should not be a barrier in the workplace, and it hasn’t been in my experience. That said, it’s not always easy to find the right way into those conversations.
"Even the most successful of people are not immune to mental health challenges"
Graham’s story really struck a chord with me - someone who had represented his country at the highest level of his sport, playing 100 Tests for England - it just goes to show that even the most successful of people are not immune to mental health problems.
Which is why using these situations can be a really useful trigger to open up a conversation with people; a complete departure from the usual small talk or chats about sports and music. I’ve seen first-hand how these stories in the media have helped people feel they can share a personal story or talk about how they’re feeling and it is really powerful.
It can open up the conversation in those environments where we don’t really talk about men’s mental health, such as group conversations or chats. People being brave enough to say how they really are is a big step, but in my experience, without fail, others really want to support or share.
Suicide's never crossed my mind but I have struggled in the past with different life events; I’m not afraid to admit that there have been times where I’ve needed help and have gone to the doctors for support. When I’ve later shared this my mates were like, wow Steve, you always seem so confident and we never would have thought it. But I think that’s the whole point, isn’t it - anybody can struggle and so the more we talk about it, hopefully the less people will think that there’s a ‘type’ to suffer from mental health challenges or crises.
Since people have opened up to me, I’ve been making a point of checking in. It’s not always deep and meaningful, it doesn’t have to be - but a, you know, how are you doing today? Want to go for a walk or a pint?
The theme of this year’s World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10th is ‘Start the conversation’. The stories behind the statistics are exactly why we must think about how we can open up those conversations. How can we be better? How can we be braver?
Graham Thorpe’s family were brave enough to be open about his suicide. If someone is brave enough to start to open up to you, follow it up. Create that trust and give them a safe space: ask the brave questions.
Starting those conversations, it’s the first step to getting support. Those little connections might just be the first step to saving someone’s life.
Steve Lees is a mental health ambassador for LionHeart. After several years as a managing residential and valuation surveyor, he became the RICS’ senior specialist in residential surveys and promoting standards.
